Been there, saw that
‘Saw V’ is an incredibly difficult to follow pseudo-snuff film.
Not because the plot twists are mind-blowing or the writing was meant to trick you, but because the film had four sub-plots and jumped from different people and time periods throughout the entire ‘Saw’ series.
One story followed Agent Strahm as he tried to expose Detective Hoffman as the new jigsaw murderer. Another showed how Detective Hoffman became the jigsaw killer. Another followed Hoffman as he tried to kill Strahm. And, the only interesting plot in the movie followed five strangers trapped in a room where, of course, they all had to pass tests to survive.
The problem with the rotating plots was that Detectives Strahm and Hoffman looked exactly alike.
Throughout the film, all you could really do is ask, ‘What? Is that from ‘Saw’ IV? III? II? Wait, who’s that guy? Where are the people in the room? Is this now or 10 years ago? Why the hell is there a pig there?’
The story of the strangers trapped in the room saved the film from becoming a total flop. It met the needs of the torture-lovers who helped the film sell out opening night.
Of course it was offensive, morbid and disgusting – one of those classic ‘Saw’ films where you just can’t look away, even if you know you should.
All in all, it was the same-old ‘Saw’ movie, just a lot more complicated. In this genre, movie makers should keep the complications to a minimum. With five more contracted ‘Saw’ movies in the works, the plots are sure to become even more ridiculous. Still, they’ll probably manage to sell out opening night.
Nevertheless, bad horror movies plague theatres, and now with VH1’s ‘Scream Queens’ (a competition for bad actresses to get a role in ‘Saw VI’), they have invaded our televisions, as well.
Five worst horror films:
‘The Blair Witch Project’ 1999
After 86 minutes of the ‘true story’ of three college students lost in the woods of Maryland and never actually seeing the witch, ‘The Blair Witch Project’ became one of the most overhyped and disappointing films in the history of horror films. The student project brought in a new genre of film – the first-person camera operation technique, reused in ‘Cloverfield’ and ‘Quarantine’ – but, beyond that, all it really did was rip off audiences with the long gone $6 dollar movie ticket.
‘Jason X’ 2001
The ‘Friday the 13th’ series scared ’80s children half to death with the daunting image of Jason Voorhees and his machete. Who could forget the bed scene in which Kevin Bacon met his very gory death? Well, while the original might be a cult classic, with ‘Jason X,’ director James Isaac’s desperate attempt to bring back the serial killer from hell ended up in space – literally. Voorhees was somehow frozen, sent into space to awaken in the 25th century, and regenerated by little ants before he killed the crew.
‘Jeepers Creepers 2’ 2003
As if the first ‘Jeepers Creepers,’ starring Justin Long (the ‘I’m a Mac’ guy), wasn’t bad enough, writer/director/producer Victor Salva decided to make a sequel. While most people didn’t even bother seeing it, if they had, they would have witnessed a film disaster. The film follows a bus full of high school football players/cheerleaders who are being chased by a man-bat-thing who apparently gets pleasure by licking glass windows. Oh, and he eats people. Original, ain’t it?
‘The Grudge’ 2004
Asian horror films plagued cinemas in the beginning of the new millennium. The trend started with ‘The Ring,’ based off the Japanese film ‘Ringu,’ and went downhill from there. One more ‘Ring’ and three ‘Grudges’ later, the Asian-thriller genre just got annoying. ‘The Grudge’ was the final straw. Sure, we had Sarah Michelle Gellar and some weird kid who sounded like a cat and was supposed to be scary, I guess. But what we really got was a recycled version of a genre that was pretty lame to begin with.
‘Prom Night’ 2008
As if Brittany Snow’s career weren’t off to a bad enough start, someone convinced her to do a teenage slasher remake about a teacher who stalks her, kills her family, and eventually manages to walk right out of prison just in time for her senior prom. Her stalker killed every victim in the same way, which got really boring after he diced the maid, the friend, the boyfriend, the slut, and so on. Every scene was predictable, every line was poorly written, and the movie, well, it made for a pretty good laugh.
Published on October 29, 2008 at 12:00 pm
