Whiskey and milk, sandals and socks, out-of-town boyfriend and college: Sometimes life’s pleasures just shouldn’t be mixed. Unfortunately, many crave Jim Beam and their calcium, others enjoy the freedom of sandals but want the warmth of socks and I love my boy but have a past here at Syracuse.

So what’s the solution when the boy toy flies 3,000 miles to Syracuse for a long weekend? Do you mix Jim Beam and soy milk, throw on some Tevas with toe socks and have a good time? Whatever you do, here are some tips to make sure it doesn’t get too awkward:

DON’T: BRING A NEW BOY INTO AN OLD BOY’S TERRITORY

Bringing a new boyfriend to your old boy’s frat house, apartment, walking route to class or dining center of choice just isn’t a smart move. New boy will start to ask questions. He will wonder why another boy and his friends are making obscene gestures at you. And what the hay will you say when your old boy comes up and high-fives the new one?

DO: TELL OLD BOY ABOUT NEW BOY

If the old boy sees new boy without any prior warning, it might lead to some hostility. Pounding of the chest, awkward grunting, werewolf transformations and dreamy vampires might occur if you fail to inform your new boy. The teens love a ‘Twilight’ romance, but this isn’t a story for People magazine.

DON’T: BRING YOUR BOY WITH YOU IN YOUR DORM SHOWER

First of all, unless he fit shower shoes into his carry-on luggage, bringing him into a whirlpool of wet pubes is a step away from abuse. Though it might be socially acceptable to shower with a dude in the wee hours of the night after a drink has been had, a sober morning shower might not make the girl on the other side of the curtain feel comfortable.

DO: PROHIBIT YOUR FRIENDS FROM REFERENCING THE OLD BOY

Though your new boy might be on the ‘outside,’ inside jokes can still hurt. While everyone’s cracking up about the time you plundered into your old boyfriend’s bathtub, your new lover probably won’t be rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter with you.

DON’T: BRING YOUR BOY TO CLASS WITH YOU

You know those days in which teachers get fed up looking at the backs of laptops and cell phones and decide to actually teach a little bit? Don’t risk your boy accompanying you on one of these days. Who do you think everyone will be looking at when some bozo next to you is talking in his sleep? All eyes will be on you, honey.

DO: BRING YOUR BOY TO WORK WITH YOU

Prove to him that when you work late every Tuesday, you really are ‘working late’ on Tuesday. Your co-workers might be a little more understanding the next time they catch you texting instead of focusing on the job when they got a firsthand look at how dreamy he actually is.

DON’T: INTRODUCE HIM TO HOT GIRLS

Everyone already knows that SU is full of hot babes, so why prove it to your boy? Well, unless you’re ‘not the jealous type,’ which we all most definitely are, introducing him to your sexy lady friends might not play out too well.

DO: STOCK UP ON THE NECESSITIES

Even if it’s not your week to buy the toilet paper, buy it. And if it’s not your week to fill the ice trays, fill them. Call me old-fashioned, but having a fully stocked crash pad makes the culture shock of Syracuse much more manageable for a visitor. And for bonus points, don’t forget to decorate your room with some cute pictures of you two.

Talia Pollock is a junior television, radio and film major, the assistant feature editor and the relationship columnist. Her column appears every Monday. Warning: These rules do not apply to all couples. Some people may experience breakups, heartbreaks or herpes as a result of this column. These results are not common, and if you have an erection lasting four or more hours, please do not contact me at tpollock@syr.edu.

Published on February 15, 2010 at 12:00 pm