I don’t know about you, but I’m already on Spring Break. Instead of taking notes in class, I make lists of what to pack. Instead of doing homework and studying for midterms, I go home and practice my bikini poses in the mirror until dinnertime. And instead of eating dinner, I run on the treadmill and fantasize that those seven kilometers magically bring me 4.35 miles closer to the beach. The notion that I could be thinking about anything other than a week of warmth is incomprehensible. I can already feel the wet sand stuck under my bathing suit and uncomfortably wedged elsewhere. I can’t wait.

But I can’t say I felt the same way this time last year. Instead of anticipating the fresh California breeze as I am now, I spent the week before Spring Break anticipating the side effects of Vicodin, which was going to aid my recovery from my wisdom teeth removal. This year, I think mimosas might be my aid.

But whether you’re going on a sunny Spring Break, sleeping at home with your dog or heading to the Big Apple to support the Orange, there are plenty of ways to add romance to your vacation.

WOOHOO SPRING BREAK

If a Mexican or Caribbean all-inclusive is in your near future, your romantic forecast might be as hot as the tropical weather report. Imagine a Syracuse University fraternity party with 200 sexually hungry guys and girls. Multiply that by the 26 frats and sororities at SU. Multiply that by the approximate 120 universities who share our Spring Break week. Subtract about 30 percent for those who are stuck at home because their parents wouldn’t fund their trips. Subtract another 15 percent for those in relationships. Add back another 5 percent for those who will ruin their relationships cheating during Spring Break. Now, I’m no mathematician, but I’d say this rounds out to a hell of a good time. By my calculations, you could probably make out with a different person each minute at the resort without any repetition. Bon appétit!

BIG EAST TOURNEY

Where better to find a mate than in a sea of orange? Think about it. You’ve already got a major conflict out of the way since you both support the same team. And neither one of you can judge one another on appearance since you’re probably both wearing the same orange T-shirt. Guys love girls who are into sports. And girls love guys who are into sports. If you both shout out some basketball jargon, share high-fives and chest bumps, and boo the blind referees, your postgame might be as sweaty as the actual game.

HOME

Ah, there’s no place like home. And while you’re there, there’s no place like the bed in your high school ex’s home. It’s OK to hook-up with your ex during Spring Break. It really is. While everyone else is getting freaky with random strangers in foreign lands, it’s all right to reunite with your familiar honey on your home turf. Sure, it might mean nothing to the guy but everything to the gal. And of course, relighting the flame might totally lead her in the wrong direction. And obviously, she might be led so far in that wrong direction that she plans a visit to your school on Good Friday. But hey, you’ll do what it takes to get that familiar loving, right? Rub not getting STDs in your tan friends’ faces.

STAYING AT SCHOOL

What do people even do when they stay here at school? Baby-sit their professors’ kids while they escape to Canada? Kidnap the Wings deliveryman for a few rounds of poker? Take a taxi to Applebee’s and Paradise Found? Unless someone else’s parents in your dormitory don’t love them, you might only get lucky with the city locals. Or try hopping over to Cazenovia and Le Moyne — they already had Spring Break.

FAMILY VACATION

Unless your folks are those ‘cool parents’ who encourage your alcoholism, you’re going to have to be creative at that family friendly resort. The seemingly best method here is to hook your whole family up with another whole family and then go for the closest kid your age. If your mom does pool aerobics with his mom, you’re in. And if her dad goes on golf excursions with your dad, that’s above par. Because what will you be doing while your moms flop around in the pool and while your dads dig themselves out of sand traps? I think I can take a guess.

Talia Pollock is a junior television, radio and film major and the assistant feature editor. If you are her professor, she most definitely was taking actual notes during your stimulating lecture. If you are her friends, she wishes you a happy, healthy and horny Spring Break. E-mail all postcards to tpollock@syr.edu.
 

Published on March 8, 2010 at 12:00 pm