After three and a half months of summer, coming back to school can generate a stomach full of butterflies. Although I’m entering my third year at Syracuse University, I still get a little weary of all the uncertainty a new semester has to offer.  While walking through the Quad on the first day of classes, my anxiety starts to build as I question how my classes and professors will be. But my anxiety suddenly settles once I see a recognizable SU icon: the suburbanite hipster. 

The familiarity of this unknown SU student taking a drag off his American Spirit cig — one he probably rolled himself — eases all of my fears.  Only a few feet in front of hipster kid No. 1, I spot hipster kid No. 2 sweating through his long-sleeved plaid, which assures me that school is back in session.

Hipster kids infiltrate SU like shoppers in Macy’s the day after Thanksgiving. I don’t necessarily dislike hipsters, I just wish they would step out of their world of disillusionment.  I hate to break it to you, SU indie kid, but not only is your attempt at ‘cool’ a joke, you have willingly embraced everything you verbally oppose: consumer culture.

First, let’s get real: The tuition of this school alone is enough evidence to prove you can never be a true hipster. The pure subculture is known for the individual sustaining a lifestyle on his or her artist and musician wages.

Second, your ratty, vintage looking T-shirt was not purchased at some indie, underground shop. It was purchased at Urban Outfitters.

Yes, the opening of Urban Outfitters in downtown Syracuse has unlocked the floodgates for more diluted kids to join the crowd. During my first class of the semester, I overheard a girl boasting about her shirt, which she had bought at a ‘totally unheard of secondhand store back home.’ Curious, I turned around to see this gem of a shirt. Not only was it evidently from Urban Outfitters, it had been pictured in the same fall catalogue from which I purchased my overpriced fedora.

Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that I do shop at Urban Outfitters versus lying about some off-the-road secondhand store. And this girl wasn’t fooling anyone — authentic hipsters don’t need to brag about getting things at secondhand stores because it’s their norm. Even her friend looked unconvinced as she folded up her Ray-Bans and placed them in the collar of her American Apparel deep v-neck tee. 

Third, hipsters love to seem worldly. It’s always entertaining when students return from their journeys abroad with five over-the-shoulder leather bags from Italy and an ‘I’m cooler than you, because I have more stamps on my Visa’ hipster attitude. We get it: You went to Italy, took pictures with your totally unique Lomography camera and, now, you’re all about photography. Spare us, please, and embrace the ubiquity: I can spend $1.99 on the Hipstamatic iPhone app and get the same results.

Lastly, and perhaps my favorite act of the SU hipster kid defiance, is his or her quest to be mightier than the weather. The weather has been straddling in the lower to mid-90s all week, yet the amount of kids wearing their plaid long-sleeves, combat boots and dark skinny jeans is both impractical and hygienically insensible.

In all honesty, SU’s pseudo-hipster culture provides me with as much entertainment as it does frustration. So please, hipster kids: Wake up, smell the black coffee and take heed of the all-mighty Kurt Vonnegut. Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.

Amanda Abbott is a junior geography and IST major. She is the assistant opinion editor at The Daily Orange, where her column appears occasionally. She can be reached at aeabbott@syr.edu. 

 

Published on September 1, 2010 at 12:00 pm