Bi-winning? Nope, just bipolar.

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, you might want to head over to NBC.com and witness Charlie Sheen’s words of wisdom on ‘The Today Show’ (or just log onto Facebook or Twitter to find a plethora of links from shocked fans and television buffs). And while you’re at it, tune into ’20/20,’ ‘Piers Morgan Tonight’ and radio’s ‘The Alex Jones Show.’ His ‘performances’ have been the talk of a lot of recent headlines.

Sheen’s comments and behavior in the past few months have cost him his show, ‘Two and a Half Men,’ which CBS canceled mid-season. When — or if — it will return is unknown, but one thing is for sure: Charlie’s not going out subtly. He decided to take his opinions to network news.

What really boggles the mind is Charlie’s overexuberant justifications about his behavior. It’s downright scary to watch the guy somewhat convince viewers he is sane. His unwavering confidence makes one believe he can truly survive while behaving like this.

Though his motives for wanting to go public seemed to be geared toward defending himself, on every show he has been on, Sheen spends the whole time talking about how amazing of a human he is. He claims he is not ‘bipolar’ but rather ‘bi-winning’ — he wins here, and he wins there. He’s addicted to winning.

‘I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total rock star from Mars,’ said the 45-year-old TV and film actor. ‘You can’t process me with a normal brain.’

After claiming numerous times to having tiger blood flowing in his veins, Sheen finally started to get into detail about Chuck Lorre, creator of ‘Two and a Half Men.’

Never referring to him once by his stage name, Sheen claimed he deserves a little more respect from ‘Chaim Levine’ for turning his ‘tin cans into gold.’ For those of you who do not know, Chuck Lorre, one of the most successful TV writers and directors, has worked on sitcoms ‘Dharma & Greg,’ ‘The Big Bang Theory,’ ‘Grace Under Fire’ and, of course, ‘Two and a Half Men.’

Living with his two youngest children, Sheen is currently in a polygamous relationship with Natalie Kenly and Bree Olson, both allegedly involved in questionable and most likely illegal behavior. The two ‘goddesses,’ as he refers to them, live at home with Sheen and help raise his kids. Sounds like a stable home environment, right?

When confronted about his past drug use, Sheen assured he was clean. ‘The scoreboard doesn’t lie,’ he repeated a few times.

‘I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.’ One can only wish in Sheen’s case.

This is not the first time Bud Fox from ‘Wall Street’ has gotten himself into a frenzy with the media. After shooting his ex-girlfriend Kelly Preston ‘on accident,’ experiencing a cocaine overdose, assaulting ex-wife Brooke Mueller and abusing alcohol, it’s safe to say Sheen is no angel. Still, he manages to raise five children from three different women on a $1.8 million-an-episode contract with ‘Two and a Half Men.’ In his interview, a still unhappy Sheen demanded a 50 percent increase in his salary. Will anything satisfy this man?

Lord knows he’s a ticking time bomb, but he seems to be perfectly fine with himself. He just wants people to accept his shenanigans for what they are — a weird quality for a ‘recovered’ drug addict to display.

After all, ‘I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips.’

Yeah, poetry, as well as cocaine residue. There’s nothing left to do but watch this story unfold. At least Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears can rest easy for the time being.

raparks@syr.edu

Published on March 6, 2011 at 12:00 pm