Last week, I wrote a column discussing the continued attack on the future of our generation.

We’re bludgeoned with grim statistics, then criticized for complaining too much. We’re judged for being unrealistic about our job prosperities, then assured it’s because we don’t have the same opportunities our parents had to become wealthy and successful.

Baby boomers are in disagreement on how to categorize this generation. We can be described as: lazy, delusional, slacker, overconfident. We can be likened to the wimpy nerd waiting helplessly while the bullies argue whether to give us a wedgie or throw us in the dumpster.

The article ‘The Millenial Muddle,’ published in The Chronicle of Higher Education in 2009, sums up the atmosphere pretty accurately. ‘One speaker will describe youngsters as the brightest bunch of do-gooders in modern history. Another will call them self-involved knuckleheads,’ wrote author Eric Hoover.

In the April 2012 issue of Esquire magazine, the debate continues with Stephen Marche’s piece ‘The War Against Youth.’ Editor in Chief David Granger’s letter respectfully questions Marche’s assessment that the elderly generation has slowly been eating ours.

Marche wrote: ‘Through its refusal to act, the generation in power is willing to do what other generations before them would not – sell their children’s birthright for a mess of their own pottage.’

But in his letter, Granger delivers a reassuring observation. Recent statistics might reveal a hopeless future, but such predictions will likely never manifest into anything close to the worst-case scenario.

‘At the basis of just about every discussion of the future of our country and our world is the assumption that what is happening now will continue to happen,’ Granger wrote, basing his opinion around the phrase ‘if trends continue.’ But he concludes trends often do not continue.

Ultimately, we’re looking at a lose-lose situation for a couple of more years. So, in an effort to reinforce the stereotypes of being both whiny and blindly optimistic, here’s a list of what many baby boomers insist on denouncing as our generation’s personal apocalypse – but with a sunny ‘pro’ to smile alongside.

Since the recession, one in four youngsters have moved back in with their parents after having lived on their own.

Pro: No more getting grounded for coming home drunk. And what better justification for drinking is there than unemployment?

One in five young Americans now delay having a baby

Pro: More money, food and free time. Sign up for one of those dollar-a-day African baby charities if you feel like you’re missing out on the ‘joys’ of parenthood.

Youth unemployment is at 17.4 percent, one of the highest levels since World War II

Pro: The United Kingdom’s youth unemployment stands at 21.8 percent, in Italy it’s 28.2 percent and Spain boasts with a whooping 47.8 percent. America – F*ck yea.

For every dollar the U.S government spends on children, it spends $2.4 on the elderly.

Pro: We can still use the stairs in case of an emergency.

The average net worth for American’s 35 and younger decreased approximately 76 percent, from $11,521 in 1984 to $3,662 in 2009.

Pro: It hasn’t decreased 100 percent.

The average debt of a college graduate stands at $25,250.

Pro: That should be a lot easier to pay back if you’re living with your parents.

‘Trends, of course, will not continue,’ Granger finished ‘There are already forces building that will reverse the momentum.’

So we’re stuck. Standing on the playground, awaiting our fate from the bullies. Is our fate a wedgie or a trip to the dumpster?

Or maybe they’ll just take all our lunch money.

Lauren Tousignant is a senior communications and rhetorical studies and writing major. Her column appears weekly. She can be reached at letousig@syr.edu or followed on Twitter at @lauT1.     

Published on March 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm