College relationships come and go – you never know who you’ll meet at a party, in your next class or even walking around campus. Once a relationship starts, it’s important to avoid the classic mistakes that can tear people apart. Things like cheating, clinginess or neglect are a given, but research shows that several patterns of behavior you might think are harmless could doom your relationship from the get-go.

Social networking sites

While sites like eHarmony, Match.com and Chemistry.com aim to hook people up, Facebook and MySpace are breaking people apart.

Knowing anything and everything about what a person likes, where they go, who they talk to, who talks to them, who someone’s friends are, what gifts they get and more defines a relationship that is too close.

Fighting over what a girl meant by the comment she left on his photo or why he’s writing on her wall can lead to tension and ultimately destroy the trust in your relationship.

‘I worry about Facebook. We should take it seriously, but cautiously,’ said Joseph Fanelli, a professor of child and family studies. ‘Having things written can be a powerful detriment.’

Facebook allows students to present a constructed self-image that might not be true. Getting to know the Facebook version of someone and the real person can lead to disappointing letdowns.

Also, the pressure to become ‘official’ has become a term defined solely by your Facebooks status – and pushing someone to be ‘In a relationship’ can send the wrong signals in the first few weeks of dating.

Debt

Money issues can stress out anyone, at any age, in any situation. But not having money to go to the occasional movie, bar or even out to eat once in a while can really stress a couple out.

‘The number one argument among couples is money,’ Fanelli said. ‘Everything costs something. We have a mindset in our culture that everything special costs money, that money means something.’

Staying in every night watching TV can cause serious cabin fever.

But there is hope yet. Some of the best things in life really can be free.

Go to Tennity Ice Skating Pavilion and rent some skates – admission is free, skate rental is only $4 and it’s not at your apartment.

Check out SCOPES movies – again, free and out.

The Daily Orange events calendar online is always full of stuff happening on and around campus for students.

The point is to try something new, get out and not let the economy bring you down.

‘Whether it’s just coffee or free concerts, there are plenty of things to do on campus,’ Fanelli said. ‘Even working out together can be quite a rush.’

Video Games

Brigham Young University completed a study of more than 800 college undergrads this January and discovered that video games destroy the relationships.

Not the games themselves, but the social isolation and usual marijuana and alcohol abuse that accompany heavy gaming, the study reported.

Fanelli said the correlation is between video games, relationships and self-esteem. Gaming is euphoria, he said. It’s like masturbation, he explained; you’re alone, it’s a quick and private release, and an adrenalin rush.

The study showed that students prone to playing video games tend to show low self-esteem and problems forming relationships with peers. It also showed that students who play video games on a daily basis are more likely to be heavy marijuana or alcohol users, which can severely harm a student’s sex life.

‘Pot, like alcohol, can cause lack of lubrication and inorgasmia in women. For men, it can cause erectile dysfunction or the inability to ejaculate,’ Fanelli said.

rdjone03@syr.edu

Published on February 11, 2009 at 12:00 pm