SU London Abroad students have just wrapped up a 10-day fall break. Across Europe and parts of Asia, numerous languages have been butchered and absurdly tacky souvenirs have been bought. (Promise to still act surprised when your abroad buddies bring you back that pyramid keychain from Egypt…) But for some students, it was not the cultural worth of their travel destinations or the fact that a bottle of wine can be bought for one euro that has warranted the most shock. Rather it’s the absurdity (in ways both good and bad) that is inter-Europe/Asia travel.

Take, for instance, the unique oddity that is the airline Ryanair. For a traveler on a budget jet setting through Europe, its prices cannot be beat. I might add that the traveler in question must also be (a) slightly delirious, (b) incapable of emotion, or (c) completely unopposed to modern-day Darwinism.

I’d been warned many times about this company, but the seven-euro flight from Florence to Barcelona was too good to let petty inconveniences impede me. Yes, I was somewhat concerned that the plane I would be flying on was made of paper, but for roughly $12, I figured I’d take my chances.

Oddity No. 1: the boarding process. Passengers are allowed to check-in and arrive at the designated terminal no more than two hours prior to the planned departure time. Fairly standard.

After arriving at the terminal for my first ever Ryanair flight, I was caught off-guard by the jumpy nature of pretty much all of my fellow passengers. As boarding time loomed near, passengers would slowly move further and further toward the end of their seats, all the while making the grasp on their carry-on more secure. Then when the boarding process began, all hell broke loose.

My first thought upon witnessing this event was of how reminiscent it was of the stampede scene in ‘The Lion King’ when Mufasa dies. Small children were getting stepped over and those who were incapable of walking at the speed of light were unceremoniously elbowed out of the way.

Why all this commotion, you may ask. Because Ryanair does not employ the method of assigned seating, and yet it seems to attract passengers hinged on getting their favorite seats. Take that for a paradox.

My travel companion and I, not being veteran Ryanair travelers or quick enough on the uptake to push over the elderly woman in the walker in front of us, ended up in the last row. As long as it’s not in cargo hold, I don’t hate it.

Surviving the stampede of a melting pot of passengers, I went on to discover oddity No. 2. I never stopped to question how my ticket could possibly cost less than a lunch at Faegans Café & Pub, but once the plane was airborne, it became obvious how the airline compensated for cash flow. On-board advertising and sale.

Your tactfully dressed steward will never bring you water or a bag of peanuts unsolicited, but he will make several trips up and down the aisle selling a variety of goods and food. From lottery tickets to caprese paninis to a gnome for the front yard.

There are a lot of shenanigans in between, but for the sake of being curt, I’ll jump to the landing.

Coming into a small airport about an hour outside Barcelona in Girona, Spain, I couldn’t tell if I was over water or a desert. Outside my miniature window, it was completely black. I knew Girona was no big city and that lights would not be overwhelming, so I was not concerned.

As soon as the descent began, a lovely voice announced that per normal practice, the cabin lights would be extinguished during the descent.

Excuse me?

I didn’t realize I was being smuggled into an unfriendly country that would take action on the aircraft should it be spotted, less the radar picked it up. Still, I was entertained more than concerned. Drinking the soda I had purchased from my salesman/steward/waiter, I felt the plane take a downward turn and at last saw runway lights.

Obeying the lit sign above my head to buckle my seatbelt, I fumbled in the dark to get half my seatbelt out from behind the sleeping man next to me. Fast forward five minutes, and impact. Not the graceful kind I have always been accustomed to, but one that woke the man next to me who started spewing things that I assume were curse words in what I assume was Italian as he was jolted from his unbelted seat.

Since following this Ryanair flight with two others to different destinations, I am missing the conveniences and comforts of American airlines less and less. Frills like assigned seating and a well-lit landing seem extraneous for basic travel. And who actually needs the miniscule bag of crackers and a quarter of a can of soda customarily served on basic flights?

For a $12 flight to Miami or Houston or even Toronto, I would probably endure 12 passenger stampedes and advertisers straight from Saatchi & Saatchi selling things on my plane. And maybe even the old snoring Italian man.

Jessica Smith is a junior information studies and technology and television, radio and film major. Her column appears every Monday, and she can be reached at jlsmit22@syr.edu.

 

Published on October 31, 2010 at 12:00 pm