The New Year. A fresh start, another beginning, an opportunity to turn it all around. It’s the time to take that leap! Release your inhibitions and shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

Unfortunately, no matter where you land in space, you’re probably already dead. And you won’t really land anywhere. You’ll just kind of float. But speaking of stars…

I’m sure everyone is very shaken up over the news that our zodiac signs may not be what we thought. There’s nothing like a new personality to really hold true to the idea of a new year being a fresh start.

Not to mention the addition of a completely new sign, Ophiuchus (or snake handler). For anyone born between Nov. 29 and Dec. 17, good luck. I don’t know how you’re going to get through this transition without an astrological profile telling you how your personality should react to such a drastic change.

When I first heard the news, I, too, was shocked, confused and quite frankly a little betrayed. As a Sagittarius, I’ve lived my life trying to live up to the centaur’s profile of being imaginative, independent and adventurous. Now I find out that I’m actually a Libra and should have spent the last 21 years being easygoing, logical and romantic.

My old sign wanted to run from one place to the next, aiming to experience anything and everything. My new sign would be happy with a relaxing night in. Had I known who I really am, I certainly could have saved myself from a lot of hangovers.

And what kind of effect will this have on all the relationships of the world?

I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I’ve never put effort into any type of relationship if astrology.com said our signs were incompatible. I haven’t begun checking, but chances are I’m now friends with a whole bunch of people that the constellations didn’t want me to like.

I’m just confused as to what all the fortune-tellers and palm readers have been doing for the last couple thousand years. Not one of them had an inkling that something in the stars was wrong? This certainly challenges my belief in the power of crystal balls.

I can only imagine how different things might have been if the boardwalk tarot card reader at the beach I go to in New Hampshire had prepared me for this. She solidified my zodiac self with her constant assurance that I possess ‘strong Sagittarius traits.’ If only.

However, there is a rumor that the change only applies to kiddies born after 2009, which is comforting. I’m not sure if I’m cut out to be a Libra. But sorry, babies — with all that crying and pooping, an identity crisis is probably the last thing you wanted to deal with.

Let’s be real. If you still felt lost and confused 15 minutes after hearing the news, then you may have an underlying condition that should be further assessed by a physician.

That is, unless you’re someone with one of those zodiac tattoos, in which case you can react however you’d like. My condolences for your now meaningless stamp.

Lauren Tousignant is a junior writing and communication and rhetorical studies major. Her column appears occasionally. She can be reached at letousig@syr.edu

Published on January 18, 2011 at 12:00 pm