Nobody wants to be in the position of Steve Carell’s middle-aged virgin character in ‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin.’ I mean, who really wants to be screaming Kelly Clarkson’s name at age 40, as clumps of hair are waxed off his chest? And all this for the hope of finally getting laid? Some people wait to have sex because of religious or personal beliefs. But a stigma is still associated with being a virgin: the older the virgin, the stranger the person must be.

For many college students, virginity is a state of the past, lost in the backseat of a car or in the aftermath of senior prom. But for others, sex is an experience yet to be had. In fact, a 2006 study found that about half of the Harvard University undergraduate students had never had sexual intercourse. These Harvard virgins may inadvertently be building future marital bliss.

A recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that there are benefits to waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. Married couples who waited rated their quality of sex 15 percent higher than people who had premarital sex. Their relationship stability was rated as 22 percent higher, and their satisfaction with their relationships was 20 percent higher than those who had premarital sex.

Obviously, I don’t go to Harvard. So for all I know, those sexless students may just be too busy memorizing equations, writing novels and wearing sweater vests to get action. But in a society where half of us will probably get divorced and teen mothers are so common that they get their own television shows, maybe placing sex on a higher pedestal is worth considering.     

To many college students, marriage may seem as far away as retirement. The idea of not having sex so that a better marriage may be possible in the future seems as unnecessary as not buying an $8 martini so that the money can be put away in a retirement fund.

I’ve experienced sexual intercourse (and $8 martinis), and I can attest to the enjoyment (in both). At the same time, I can see the argument for saving ourselves. Despite the physical pleasure sex can bring and the intimacy it can provide, imagine how much more meaningful sex could be if we waited?

While sexual intercourse is seemingly a biologically natural endeavor, it can also bring unwanted consequences when not done with care. In fact, the Center for Disease Control reported that in 2008, Onondaga County was a Top 10 county in New York for frequency of gonorrhea in people between the ages of 15 and 24.

STDs aren’t the only difficult surprise that can arise from unprotected sex. Watch a couple episodes of MTV’s ’16 and Pregnant,’ and I shouldn’t have to tell you what struggles might accompany being a young, accidental parent.

So what does this all mean? Should we all sport chastity belts until wedding bells ring? For those of us who have had sex, are our future marriages doomed from ever blossoming to their fullest potential?

I don’t think so. I haven’t conducted a study, but I’m willing to bet that there are many happy married couples that had sex before tying the knot. On the other hand, there are probably a lot of divorced and unhappy married folks wishing they’d done a bit more thinking and a little less fooling around before getting hitched.

Alicia Smith is a graduate student in the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communication’s magazine, newspaper and online journalism program. Her columns appear every Thursday, and she can be reached at acsmit05@syr.edu.

Published on January 19, 2011 at 12:00 pm